This is seeming like a better idea every day.

I have to

I can do this
I have to be in control of at least one thing
I don't care if its irrational
at least I'll know I can change something.
Stick to something.
And God, at least I know this is worth it.

I warn myself every time
but I always stumble
and stumble
and they
(the boys)
disappointment me again
and I'm still alone
But every time the pain hurts a little less.
Soon I'll be invincible and completely alone,
and one day maybe I won't even notice.